So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
