So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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