What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i will never coherently bang her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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