So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
