I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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