if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
