I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
