I'm lost and stupid without you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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