We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
