my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
