OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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