I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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