why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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