Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
