Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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