i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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