I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
