Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
