I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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