guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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