im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
