well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
