your room smells of hookers.
And success
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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