Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
