dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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