im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
