$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
