You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
