if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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