Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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