that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
