When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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