We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
