forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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