hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
