google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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