So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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