So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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