Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
