trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
