What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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