Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
