Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Who died my cat blue again?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
