winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
