Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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