Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
