i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
