Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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