I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
