put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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