Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
