i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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