I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You made out with two different species that night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
