his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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